Lemoine, some of your fellow golfers are accusing you of sandbagging after today’s round. How do you respond to these allegations?
Look, I've heard the whispers in the clubhouse, and I want to address them head-on. A 40 gross, 31 net — people are calling it "suspicious." I call it "a decade of quietly suffering through 9-handicap mediocrity finally paying off in one glorious afternoon."
Was it a career round? Yes. Was it sandbagging? Absolutely not — that would imply I planned this. Nobody plans four pars and a birdie on the front nine. That was Golf Gods intervention, plain and simple, and frankly I think it's disrespectful to the Golf Gods to suggest otherwise.
To my critics, I say this: the handicap system is not a courtroom. There is no jury of my peers. There's just a guy — me — turning in scores, occasionally having the round of his life, and refusing to apologize for it. If anything, you should all be thanking me for keeping my handicap artificially high all season through what I can only describe as heroic mediocrity, just so today could happen.
No further questions. My caddie — who is also my cart, which I also drove myself — has advised me to say no more.